Be the Awareness

Be the Awareness
I had a big ah-huh moment this evening. I have been struggling with the transition into a new location, a new job, a new house and without my partner, friends or family. Everyday I was periodically engaging in behaviours that would promote happiness and well-being, like jogging, journaling, playing and listening to music or as simple as taking a bath. And yet, I would find myself in tears at some point feeling lost and alone. So... the switch, I gave myself permission to be scared! Without trying to talk myself into happiness, or enthusiasm. I gave any emotion that needed to survive an open gateway to do so. I was reminding myself that these emotions do not define my person. My truth, my being, is far beyond the temporary glimpse of fear, discomfort or even excitement. My favourite author writes:
"[W]hen there’s a lack of awareness, then you get completely taken over by those negative feelings. There’s no inner space anymore, and you think, say, and do things that are controlled by that negative energy inside you… The difference is, when the same thing happens again and you become irritated, you become angry, whatever it is—reactive in some way—sad or depressed, there’s an awareness that this is happening to you. You have the observing presence in the background that’s more who you are rather than the emotion. You are still there as it happens."

                  - Eckhart Tolle

When I gave myself permission to feel all the 'negative' feelings I was setting myself free. I became the awareness beyond the emotions. The realization that I will not be consumed by these fleetings emotions gave me the choice to feed into them or observe them with gentle compassion. In this moment I can truly say I am standing in my truth and allowing myself to feel slightly fearful, a little uncomfortable and completely strong!