Those moments when it all rumbles over at once. You cannot put your finger on where or articulate why but there it is. Finally exposed after days, weeks or years of solitude being hidden in the deepest, darkest corners of yourself. What is it? You don't even know! But all of a sudden a seemingly normal occurrence causes it to spill over, leaking your fear all over the place. Someone so good with words suddenly has nothing to say.
What does this mean? What are you trying to show me Universe? What lessons have I missed? Please take me away from the discomfort of this place. I have done everything right, self-talk, reflection, love, giving, receiving and yet here I am! Crying, resisting, feeling angry, lost and alone. I wanted to share these moments with you as I know without any doubt that we all experience overwhelming fear, sadness doubt and isolation. You are not alone, I am not alone, we are not alone!
One breath of acceptance to hear the faintest of whispers seeping through the fog of doubt; these are the most powerful moments. So, I sit in this 'ugly' truth and wait. For what I do not know. I reign in the desire to 'analyze' and weed through the possibilities with my over-analytical mind. Instead, I accept this reality. I do not have the answers right now. That is so hard for me to accept that I even struggle to write it! It is not bad nor good, it simply is! I try to stay curious in these moments of internal chaos.
It is interesting to write and share in moments of struggle rather than moments of triumph. Or perhaps this is the triumph; the willingness to share my vulnerability. It is so common for us to bond over stories of victory and success.
Today, I give space to myself and those of you who are having moments of uncertainty and fear. Stay open, stay curious and be patient with yourself. Focusing on listening to your heart rather than jumping into your mind will give way for those feelings to pass naturally. The lessons may not come for sometime, or they may hit you when you least expect it. Be kind to yourself on your journey of self discovery and I will do the same.