When Generosity Becomes Self-Negating

When Generosity Becomes Self-Negating

This is for all the 'givers' out there, all of the over-accomodaters. You know who you are! We often hear ourselves saying, 'Of course I can do that for you' or 'Whatever you prefer, I am easy'. This is not a bad trait whatsoever! Just like anything else, when not practiced with balance, our giving nature can work against us.

The harm begins when that desire to help others takes on the tone of a people pleaser; never wanting to inconvenience anyone, but always willing to bend in the moment. When the urge to please takes the driving seat, we see ourselves going on a drive, not knowing exactly where we will end up. In short, we have handed over our power.

So what happens when we hand over our power and let someone else steer the bus? We get run down and tired, but mostly this rumble of resentment and anger slowly begins to boil; 'How dare you take my power!!!'. Really we are angry with ourselves, for we have passively handed over our fate to another. The innocent bystander in our life is now the channel for our unwillingness to put ourselves first. We resent being around that person as they are a reminder of our inability to chose ourselves in fear of upsetting another. This giving nature is beginning to take a turn isn't it?

So where does this struggle to voice our position come from? We shy away from taking a stand and kindly asking the person steering the bus to push over because this bus is going wherever the hell I want! If you dig deep, through all the cycling thoughts, anger and fear you may, you just may find this hidden fear,'Will they still love me?' or 'Am I worthy of my own path?' And yet, when we relinquish our power our self-esteem trickles even further from our grasp, continuing the cycle of external validation.

Love yourself enough to chose you. You are not doing any favours to those around you by putting your own agenda to the side. Like I mentioned, that resentment will build ever so slowly until it boils over and you do not recognise your relationship any longer. Love him/her/them enough to choose you so that you can love them wholeheartedly!

Let's stop apologizing for who we are; take a grounded mountain pose, eyes to the sky, arms spread wide deep breath of self-recognition. Transforming the whispers of self-doubt into roars of 'Love me as I am or leave me' I will prevail nonetheless.