You know that feeling when you’re lying in bed, exhausted, but your body just won’t relax?
Or when you snap at the smallest thing because you feel like you’re already at your limit? Maybe you can’t focus, or your stomach is always upset, or you feel like you’re vibrating with anxiety even when nothing is technically wrong.
Your nervous system might be stuck in survival mode. And if that’s the case, you’re probably exhausted in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.
Here’s what we want you to know: you’re not broken.
You’re not too sensitive or too much. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s been trained to do, which is keep you safe.
The problem is, it might be working overtime when it doesn’t need to. Learning about nervous system regulation can help you understand what’s happening in your body and, more importantly, how to help yourself feel better.
What Is Nervous System Regulation?
Nervous system regulation is basically your body’s ability to respond to stress and then return to a calm, balanced state. Think of it like a volume dial. A regulated nervous system can turn the volume up when you need to respond to something challenging, and then turn it back down when the challenge is over.
When your nervous system is regulated, you can handle the normal ups and downs of life without completely falling apart or shutting down. You have some resilience. You can feel your feelings without being totally overwhelmed by them.
You can rest when it’s time to rest and be alert when you need to be.
But when your nervous system is dysregulated (which is just a fancy way of saying out of balance), that dial gets stuck.
Maybe it’s stuck on high, and you’re constantly anxious, hypervigilant, or reactive. Or maybe it’s stuck on low, and you feel numb, disconnected, or exhausted all the time. Sometimes it swings wildly between the two.
The thing about nervous system regulation is that it’s not really about “controlling” your emotions or forcing yourself to calm down.
It’s about creating safety in your body so your nervous system doesn’t feel like it needs to be on high alert all the time.
What Are the Symptoms of Nervous System Dysfunction?
Nervous system dysfunction can look like a lot of different things, and it’s often mistaken for other issues.
You might have been told you have anxiety or depression or insomnia, and those might be accurate, but underneath all of it might be a dysregulated nervous system.
Here’s what it can look like when your nervous system is out of balance:
Physical symptoms:
- Chronic tension, especially in your jaw, shoulders, or stomach
- Digestive issues that doctors can’t quite explain
- Heart palpitations or feeling like your heart is racing
- Difficulty sleeping, or sleeping too much
- Always feeling tired, even after rest
- Getting sick frequently because your immune system is compromised
- Chronic pain or mysterious aches
Emotional symptoms:
- Feeling anxious or on edge for no clear reason
- Mood swings that feel out of your control
- Feeling numb or disconnected from your emotions
- Overwhelming emotional reactions to small things
- Difficulty feeling joy or pleasure
- Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop
Mental symptoms:
- Brain fog or trouble concentrating
- Racing thoughts that won’t slow down
- Difficulty making decisions
- Feeling spacey or dissociated
- Memory problems
Behavioral symptoms:
- Snapping at people you love
- Avoiding things that used to be fine
- Compulsive behaviors (overeating, overworking, etc.)
- Difficulty being still or relaxing
- Isolating yourself from others
- Trouble following through on things
The tricky thing is, you might have gotten so used to feeling this way that it just feels normal. You might not even realize your nervous system is dysregulated until you start to experience what regulation actually feels like.
What Causes an Overstimulated Nervous System?
So what makes a nervous system get stuck in survival mode? A lot of things, actually. And it’s usually not just one thing, it’s a combination.
Trauma and difficult experiences: This is probably the biggest one. When you’ve experienced trauma (and trauma can be a lot of different things, not just the big obvious stuff), your nervous system learned that the world isn’t safe. It started staying on high alert to protect you.
Even after the danger passes, your nervous system might not get the message that it can relax now.
Trauma can be:
- Childhood neglect or abuse
- Toxic or unpredictable relationships
- Accidents or medical trauma
- Loss and grief
- Witnessing violence or experiencing discrimination
- Growing up in an unstable environment
Chronic stress: When you’re under constant stress with no real breaks, your nervous system never gets a chance to reset. It’s like running a marathon without any water breaks. Eventually, your system gets exhausted and dysregulated.
This could be:
- A demanding job with no work-life balance
- Financial stress that never lets up
- Caregiving responsibilities
- Ongoing relationship problems
- Juggling too many responsibilities
Modern life in general: Honestly, the way most of us live now is pretty dysregulating. We’re overstimulated constantly. We’re staring at screens all day. We’re not moving our bodies enough or getting outside. We’re not connected to communities the way humans used to be. All of this takes a toll on nervous system regulation.
Medical issues: Sometimes physical health problems can affect your nervous system. Thyroid issues, autoimmune conditions, hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, all of these can throw your nervous system out of whack.
Lack of safe relationships: This is a big one. Our nervous systems actually co-regulate with other people’s nervous systems. If you grew up without safe, attuned caregivers, or if you don’t have supportive relationships now, your nervous system might have a harder time finding regulation on its own.
The thing to understand is that if your nervous system is overstimulated, it’s not your fault. It’s not because you’re weak or not trying hard enough. Your nervous system is responding to real experiences and real conditions in your life.
How Do I Tell If My Nervous System Is Regulated?
This is a really important question because a lot of people don’t actually know what a regulated nervous system feels like. If you’ve been dysregulated for a long time, chaos might feel normal and calm might feel weird or even scary.
Here’s what nervous system regulation actually feels like:
You can be present: You’re able to be in the moment without your mind constantly racing ahead to worry about the future or getting stuck in the past. You can have a conversation without zoning out or planning what you’re going to say next while the other person is still talking.
Your emotions feel manageable: You still feel things, sometimes intensely, but you’re not completely overwhelmed by them. You can feel sad without falling into a pit of despair. You can feel angry without exploding. You can experience joy without waiting for something bad to happen.
Your body feels relatively comfortable: You’re not constantly tense or bracing. Your breathing is easy and natural. Your stomach isn’t in knots. You might notice tension when it shows up, but it doesn’t live in your body 24/7.
You can rest: When it’s time to sleep, you can actually sleep. When you sit down to relax, you can actually relax without feeling guilty or anxious. Your body knows the difference between time to be alert and time to rest.
You have access to different states: You can be energized when you need to be and calm when it’s appropriate. You’re not stuck on one setting all the time. You have some flexibility in how you respond to different situations.
You can connect with others: You’re able to be in relationships without constantly feeling threatened or having to protect yourself. You can be vulnerable sometimes. You can handle conflict without shutting down or exploding.
You trust yourself: You have some sense that you can handle what comes your way. Not that everything will be easy, but that you have resources to cope with difficulty.
Here’s what nervous system regulation is NOT:
- Being calm and peaceful all the time
- Never feeling stressed or anxious
- Being able to control your emotions perfectly
- Never being triggered or having a hard time
Regulation isn’t about being perfect or never struggling. It’s about having some capacity to move through difficult experiences and come back to center afterward.
How Do You Fix a Dysregulated Nervous System?
Okay, here’s where we get into the practical stuff. And I’m going to be real with you: healing a dysregulated nervous system takes time. There’s no quick fix here. But there are things you can do that really help, and the changes build on each other over time.
Start With Safety
Your nervous system needs to feel safe before it can relax. And safety isn’t just about actual physical safety, it’s about sending your body signals that you’re okay right now.
This might mean:
- Creating a calm space in your home where you can retreat
- Setting boundaries with people who stress you out
- Reducing exposure to news and social media if it’s overwhelming
- Getting away from relationships or situations that are genuinely unsafe
- Building routines that help your nervous system know what to expect
Work With Your Body
Nervous system regulation happens in your body, not just your mind. You can’t think your way into a regulated nervous system. You have to work with your physical body.
Breathing: Your breath is like a direct line to your nervous system. Slow, deep breathing, especially with longer exhales, tells your nervous system it’s safe to relax. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for four, out for six. Do this for a few minutes and notice what happens.
Movement: Moving your body helps discharge stress and tension. This doesn’t mean you have to go to the gym (though you can if that feels good). It can be gentle stretching, walking, dancing in your living room, shaking, whatever helps you feel more present in your body.
Body awareness practices: Things like yoga, tai chi, or just doing body scans help you reconnect with your physical self. A lot of people with dysregulated nervous systems are disconnected from their bodies because that’s where they store all the difficult feelings.
Practice Co-Regulation
Remember how I said our nervous systems co-regulate with others? Being around calm, regulated people can help your nervous system learn regulation. This is huge.
This might look like:
- Spending time with friends who make you feel safe and calm
- Working with a therapist who can help regulate your nervous system through their presence
- Petting your dog or cat (animals are great for co-regulation)
- Being in supportive community spaces
- Having regular, positive physical touch if that’s available and comfortable for you
Build in Actual Rest
And I mean real rest, not just scrolling on your phone. Your nervous system needs time to genuinely recover.
Try:
- Getting outside in nature without your phone
- Taking actual breaks during your day, not just pushing through
- Doing things that bring you joy without any productivity attached
- Practicing doing nothing sometimes (this is hard for a lot of people but so important)
Notice Your Windows
There’s this concept called your “window of tolerance.”
It’s basically the range where you can function without being overwhelmed or shutting down. When you’re working on nervous system regulation, you’re trying to gradually expand that window.
Pay attention to what pushes you outside your window and what helps you stay in it. The more you notice these patterns, the more you can make choices that support your regulation.
Get Professional Support
Working with a therapist who understands nervous system regulation and trauma can make a huge difference. Approaches like somatic therapy, EMDR, sensorimotor psychotherapy, and polyvagal-informed therapy are all designed to work directly with nervous system regulation.
A good therapist can help you:
- Identify what’s dysregulating your nervous system
- Process trauma that’s keeping you stuck in survival mode
- Learn practices specifically for your nervous system
- Experience co-regulation in a safe relationship
- Build capacity for regulation over time
What Healing Actually Looks Like
I want to paint a realistic picture of what it’s like to heal a dysregulated nervous system because I think a lot of people expect it to be linear, and it’s really not.
Some days you’ll feel more regulated and think “oh, I’m getting it!” And then something happens and you’re right back in survival mode and it feels like you’ve made no progress at all. That’s normal. That’s part of the process.
Healing looks like:
- Slowly having more good days than bad days
- Noticing you’re dysregulated sooner
- Being able to bring yourself back to regulation faster than before
- Feeling safe in your body for moments, then longer stretches
- Having more capacity to handle stress without completely falling apart
- Actually believing that your feelings won’t destroy you
You Deserve to Feel Safe
If you’ve been living in survival mode for so long that you don’t remember what else feels like, please hear this: it doesn’t have to be this way forever.
Nervous system regulation is possible, even if it feels really far away right now.
Your body wants to heal. It wants to feel safe. It’s not trying to torture you with all these symptoms and reactions. It’s doing its absolute best to protect you with the information it has. The work is about giving it new information, teaching it that it can relax, showing it that you’re okay now even if you weren’t okay before.
This work is hard.
It takes time and patience and support. But it’s some of the most important work you can do because nervous system regulation affects literally everything. Your relationships, your health, your ability to be present in your life, your capacity for joy and connection.
All of it is connected to your nervous system.
Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, trauma, chronic stress, or just feeling like you’re always running on empty, working on nervous system regulation can genuinely change your life. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.