Why You Can’t Relax in the Bath (And How to Actually Chill Out)

Let’s set the scene: you’ve finally drawn the perfect bath. The lighting is soft, the lavender oil is diffusing, Spotify is playing that mellow acoustic playlist you found during lockdown, and you’ve told everyone (yes, even the cat) to leave you alone for 30 minutes. You sink in, hoping for inner peace…

…and your brain immediately goes:
“Did I reply to that email?”
“Why do my knees look weird underwater?”
“Crap, I forgot to buy oat milk.”
“What am I doing with my life?”

Sound familiar?

If the bath (or yoga class or vacation or literally anything “relaxing”) just doesn’t do the trick, you are not broken. In fact, your body might just be doing exactly what it was wired to do — keep you safe. Let’s unpack that, shall we?

🧠 Why You Can’t Relax (Even When Everything is Technically Calm)

1. Your nervous system is on high alert.
   If you’ve experienced trauma (and let’s be honest, who hasn’t in some form?), your nervous system might not recognize “safe” the way you want it to. Somatic trauma-informed yoga teaches us that our bodies carry the memory of stress long after the stressful event is over. So when you finally stop, your body doesn’t throw a party. It throws a fit.

2. Stillness can feel threatening.
   If your life has been a marathon of doing, achieving, helping, fixing, and handling it all, stillness can feel like falling off a cliff. Your system might think, “This is unfamiliar...we must be dying.”

3. Your inner critic won’t shut up.
   You finally take a moment for yourself, and suddenly she pipes up:
   “Shouldn’t you be more productive?”
   “Is this even self-care or just avoidance?”
   We hear you. And we kindly invite that voice to grab a seat and sip her judgmental tea somewhere else.

🧘♀️ Okay, So How Do I Actually Relax?

Don’t worry, we’re not going to tell you to just “take deep breaths” and call it a day. Trauma-informed, somatic work is about reconnecting with your body in ways that feel safe, not forced.

Here are some starting points:

1. Start small. Like, micro.

Before you attempt a 60-minute restorative yoga class, try one gentle breath while placing your hand on your heart. That’s it. No expectations. No pressure. Just notice.

2. Shake things out — literally.

Trauma-informed yoga often includes somatic shaking or free movement to help discharge stuck energy. Put on your favorite 90s pop song and let your body dance like no one is watching (because no one is — except maybe the dog).

3. Try orienting.

Take 30 seconds to slowly look around the room. Name five things you see. This tells your nervous system: “Hey, we’re actually safe here.”

4. Build a menu of safety.

Write a short list of things that feel comforting or regulating. A cozy blanket, peppermint tea, lying on the floor, humming, stretching, even holding a warm mug can help. When you’re overwhelmed, pick one item. No pressure to feel better. Just try.

5. Get curious, not judgmental.

When you notice you can’t relax, try replacing “What’s wrong with me?” with “What might my body be trying to protect me from?” This tiny shift is powerful — it invites compassion instead of shame.

🌿 Closing Thoughts from the Tub

Relaxation isn’t something you achieve — it’s something you allow. And allowing takes time, trust, and a nervous system that feels safe enough to soften. At B-rooted Counselling, we know this journey isn’t linear. One day you’re calm with a cup of chamomile tea, the next you’re rage-cleaning your kitchen at midnight. It’s okay. You’re human.

So if baths aren’t working, don’t ditch them just yet. But maybe next time, bring your nervous system into the conversation. Ask her gently: “What do you need right now?” Then listen. You might be surprised by what she says.

With warmth and zero judgment!